The Soundtrack of a Spoiled Girl’s Life
The songs within the fever dream of the childhood & adolescence of Sofía Cervantes
I don’t really remember my childhood. I was born in 2000 in a catholic middle class family. My parents always dreamt about a better life, for my mom it meant The United States and for my father it meant staying in the 80’s. I grew up spoiled [Soñar by Belanova], in a room surrounded by pink walls and a bunch of purple-blue-pink toys listening to [Sueño de Sombras by Julieta Venegas], [Miel by Zoé] and [Hijo de la Luna by Mecano] - alongside my parents' music -
Mom:
a) Nena by Miguel Bosé
b) En Tus Pupilas by Shakira
c) Carbon by Tori Amos
d) White Flag by Dido
Dad:
a) Tin Man by America
b) Ashes to Ashes by David Bowie
c) I’d Have You Anytime by
George Harrison
We always had a car and lived in private condos. My first years of life we lived in Cuernavaca, a small city full of bugambilias and bugs. I used to sleep in fear every night, imagining a chinche besucana would bite me and my heart would grow uncontrollable until it exploded – and those who loved me, would never know what went bad. “She was full of life,” I would laugh with worry, imagining my mother saying so. What did end up happening was that, (for the first time) I encountered myself being trapped into destiny’s laugh (my own ignorant manifestation), when, on a sunny day, I stepped out into the moist,wet garden and before I could even close my eyes to feel the heat of that enormous yellow yolk in heaven, I felt the arms of my mother surrounding my milk made skeleton and throwing it into de pool. Instantly, a full universe of red ants came loose around me in the water, that’s when I realized I was being eaten by them, as if I was a wonderful rubber tree, steady and calm, ready to be used by nature [Illuminations by Carlos Santana, Alice Coltrane]. I felt validated by those teeny tiny red dots. The ardor in my left leg came later. I haven’t been stung by anything since then.
I also recall being a little thief - ever since kindergarten - stealing small things and tucking them into my clothes, I loved the rush of getting caught . That —in my good or bad luck— never happened [Little Trouble Girl by Sonic Youth]. Not until high school, when I lived in Guadalajara and a guard at one of the million H&M stores saw me taking a few earrings from the little white carton and hiding them in my ridiculous worn-out bra. My best friend at the time was with me – and, imitating a great loyal movie scene [Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl by Broken Social Scene]–, I told her to go on without me as in my reasoning, someone had to make it untouched. My mom came for me to the mall, she was so furious and I, dressed with my tartan skirt and white shirt, was being yelled at by a female police repeating: “If you were my daughter, you will never get to go out again only by the shame of having a red hand imprinted on your face, you little spoiled girl” [Y Control by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs]. I laughed in worry. The reality is that I never thought stealing from great corporations was something bad, but, at the time I adored Kurt Cobain [About A Girl by Nirvana] and listened to everything that made me feel validated and fuzzy: [The Thing by Pixies], [Can’t Stand Me Now by The Libertines], [Dry The Rain by The Beta Band], [Ask Me Anything by The Strokes], [Lola by The Raincoats], [Pacer by The Amps], [Falling Out of Love At This Volume by Bright Eyes], [Bushel Hyde by Jessica Pratt], [Rise by Azure Ray], [Fiction by The XX], [69 Année Érotique by Serge Gainsbourg & Jane Birkin]. Inscribed in my brain, was the thought that every other girl thinks when she’s 16, that the world is against her.
Another reality back then is the fact I hated teenage boys and the way they smelled, that’s why I begged my mom to put me in an all girl school. To be unbothered. Sitting with spread legs in philosophy class without a worry in the world. That’s what I still desire.
What I can clearly remember, since always, is my obsession with love [White Nights by Psychic TV]. I never felt it more than in middle school. The year was 2013, and by then, my parents had already divorced and my mother was pregnant with my younger sister and we had just moved to Cancún. I spent hours listening to songs that scored the imaginary moments of a future that never unfolded as I pictured it. As if teeny tiny figures that looked Like me and a faceless man lived rent free in my mind, surrounded by white space and jasmine scent, perfectly tucked together. Scenes like my first kiss [Sharper Eyes by Arthur Russell], my first time having sex –left to the reader’s imagination–, slowly dancing at a party with the love of my life [The Desperate Kingdom Of Love by PJ Harvey], tragically saying goodbye to a lover [Isn’t It a Pity by Nina Simone] and my wedding night [Blue Angel by Hermine], those images occupied my head all the time, always with the perfect song playing in the background. I am grateful for the way the world that has seen me grow up and has spoiled me. The capacity of feeling infatuated with love for places and moments: my grandparent’s small apartment in The San Fernando Valley, where my sister and I used to play luchas as kids. Raven St. in Sylmar where I learn to drive under the palm trees and the blue naked L.A sky with sweaty hands and determination [Ladies by Fiona Apple]. Walking to Sevilla metro station in Ciudad de México at 6:00am with two black coffees on my nervous system and baggy eyes while listening to [Twilight by Elliott Smith] on my way to take my History of Renaissance Art test, passing by the recently opened restaurants and a multiple menu of unpleasant smells. Maybe even a rat wishing me luck along the way. Wink, wink. ¡Scarejump!
I thank all the veins of life unfolding under my skin, makers of this unpolished creature of shaky beliefs that I’ve become. And thank god for music—my memory’s true anchor [Vivo by Andrea Laszlo De Simone].
If you’re subscribed to Spotify, you can listen to Sofia’s playlist here. Tracklist below.1) Me Quedo Contigo by Los Chunguitos
2) La Bruja by Tlen Huicani, Lino Chavez
3) Que Lío by Willie Colón, Héctor Lavoe
4) Esclavo y Amo by Los Pasteles Verdes
5) Dile a tus ojos by Guty Cárdenas
6) Si Nos Dejan by Los Tres Ases
7) Miracles by Johnnie Frierson
8) Spooky by Dusty Springfield
9) I’m Sticking With You by The Velvet Underground
10) I Won’t Hurt You by West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band
11) Funkier Than a Mosquito’s Tweeter by Nina Simone
12) First Gymnopedie by Yusef Lateef
13) Om Supreme by Alice Coltrane
14) Margaret hums...Max my love theme by Michael Portal
15) The Wind by Pj Harvey
16) Black Milk by Massive Attack, Elizabeth Fraser
17) Stoner Kissing Trace by So Klarity
18) Room To Breath by Trickpony
19) Next to Nothing by Bowery Electric
20) Massage The History by Sonic Youth
21) Collective Dreamwishin Of Upperclass Elegance by Grandaddy
22) Trouble Every Day by Tindersticks
23) The World’s a Girl by Anita Lane
24) Your Little Pawn by Bobb Trimble
25) Tonight by Iggy Pop
26) I’m Bored by Iggy Pop
27) Living Too Late by The Fall
28) This Magic Moment by Lou Reed
29) Mother Earth by The Gun Club
30) Di Doo Dah by Jane Birkin
31) Never/More by Takako Minekawa
Honorary Mentions (Songs) - listen in order-:
64) Come Running by Sol Seppy
65) Girls by Death In Vegas
66) Only You by Yazoo
67) Exotika (12” Mix) by Chris & Cosey
68) Leather Forever by Miss Kittin, The Hacker
69) Silly Girl by Television Personalities
70) Generic Riff by Red Theme
71) I Wonder by The Willowz
72) Say Yes by Elliott Smith
73) Off you The Breeders
74) Crow’s Ash Tree by Mess Esque
75) Hit by Joanne Robertson
76) Some Things Last A Long Time by Daniel Johnston
77) Everything Reminds Me Of Her by Elliott Smith
78) Everything Is Scary by German Error Message
79) Beautiful Child by Bill Callahan
80) Sand River by Beth Gibbons, Rustin River
81) Mysteries by Beth Gibbons, Rustin River
82) Some Other Place, Some Other Time by Rosalie Sorrels
83) The Kiss by Judee Sill
84) Afraid by Nico
85) Sonatina for Piano 4 Hands: II. Andante by György Ligeti.
86) Holy Are You by The Electric Prunes
87) Did You Know That There's A Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd by Lana Del Rey
88) Into Your Arms by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
89) Wanna by Baxter Dury
90) The Rip by Portishead
91) 1975 Moog Polymoog by Benge
92) Smiling in Slow Motion by Mike Midnight
93) Green Edge by Colle
94) Working It Out by ML Bunch
95) You Can’t Always Get What You Want by Erika de Casier
96) Heavy Water/I’d Rather Be Sleeping by Grouper
97) The Magic Place by Julianna Barwick
32) A/B by Fine
33) Dust by Snuggle
34) Roach Head by Momma
35) Desire Machine by Spirit Blue
36) Miracle Crush by Bar Italia
37) He hit me (And It felt like a kiss) by Hole
38) Affection by Jonathan Richman and The Modern Lovers
39) Candy Says by The Velvet Underground
40) El Condor Pasa (If I Could) by Simon & Garfunkel
41) I’d Have You Anytime by George Harrison
42) Mon Amie La Rose by Francoise Hardy
43) You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling by Nancy Sinatra
44) Love Is a Funny Thing by Spirogyra
45) 17 Pink Sugar Elephants by Vashti Bunyan
46) Comin’ Back to Me by Jefferson Airplane
47) Go Away From My World by Marianne Faithfull
48) Los Enamora2 by Gustavo Pena
49) Dolphin by Linda Perhacs
50) You Make Me Care More by Sofie Birch, Johan Caroe
51) Motion Picture Soundtrack by Radiohead
52) Come un sogno by Ennio Morricone
53) Winter Lady by Leonard Cohen
54) I Think Of Angels by Cat Power
55) Ain’t No Weight by Blue Eyed Soul
56) Kuly by N’Gou Bagayoko
57) Didn’t I by Darondo
58) Retrato Em Branco E Preto by Nara Leão
59) And I love him by Esther Phillips
60) Can’t Help Falling in Love by Dead Moon
61) Into Your Arms by Love Positions
62) Danza Ondulante by Delirios Krónicos
63) Ef by Chanel Beads
Honorary Mentions (Full Album)
1) Colour Green by Sibylle Baier
2) Desertshore by Nico
3) Floating Into The Night by Julee Cruise
4) Love is Overtaking Me by Arthur Russell
5) Songs Of Leonard Cohen by Leonard Cohen
6) New Moon by Elliott Smith
7) When The Pawn...by Fiona Apple
8) Rid Of Me by Pj Harvey
9) Live Through This by Hole
Sofía Cervantes is an Art Historian living in Mexico City where she runs Óvalo, a small poetry reading circle.
She loves eating bread in bed in the morning, but hates the feeling of the remaining crumbs at night. At night, she dreams of becoming a fox in her next life. @_so.crv@o.v.a.l.o